Time Alone, the Hard Way

I have wanted, no needed, some alone time for a couple of weeks now. Last week I started to make plans to carve out a morning where I would be responsible for no one or no thing. A morning during Memorial Day weekend was my plan. It’s a three-day weekend and I would get what I needed without disrupting too many other people.

Two days ago I woke up feeling sick. I was exhausted, had a scratchy throat and I felt completely and utterly run down. “Great” I thought, “I have cleaning and laundry to do, a full schedule this week, and I’m getting ready for our Memorial Day cookout.” I don’t have time to be sick! I comforted myself with the fleeting thought that maybe it was just allergies and not true sickness. I drifted off to sleep for another hour. I was in and out of consciousness for the next couple of hours. Finally at 10:00am I told myself that I needed to get out of bed and start the day.

And then it hit me, this was my alone time. This was the time that I needed and wanted and had been looking forward to. Time without responsibility, time alone and with no distractions, truly some time to myself. I had not envisioned nor desired being sick in bed. I thought that I would go to a movie, out to brunch alone, or maybe go shoe shopping. I envisioned that my time alone would consist of me waking up, cooking breakfast, dressing the kids, and making sure that everyone was settled before taking a few hours for me. A very strategic and scripted time to myself.

I did not plan on the unplanned time to myself, time truly without responsibility or worry about others. What I did get was a full morning in bed as I didn’t get up until 11:00am. I fed and dressed myself without concern for feeding or dressing others. I then went back to sleep for an afternoon nap. And though I felt sick, I was alone. This was not the Sunday that I planned nor was it the time alone that I wanted but it certainly was what I needed.

I have known for a very long time that when you don’t listen to warnings the first, second, or third time, it will knock you upside the head until you do listen. Sunday was my smack.

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