Sistah Gurls

by Lexx Brown-James In the May issue of Essence is dedicated to the importance of gilrfriends. You know those sistah gurls, ultimate homies, real chicks, and beloved support systems that women tend to have. She’s the friend who tells you that outfit doesn’t work, hates the person that hurt you with a passion and let’s you cry on her shoulder …

Heartache Truly Hurts

by Tonya Ladipo Research has finally proven what many of us have known for years. Rejection hurts; it literally hurts. Researchers at the University of Michigan, Columbia University, and the University of Colorado found that our brains respond to physical pain and emotional hurt or rejection in much the same way (for more information, click here.). Being rejected by friends, …

Black Woman’s Syndrome

by Lexx Brown-James So, it’s 3.30a.m in the morning and as I type this I am pretty sure that everyone in this hemisphere is sleeping. Everyone, but me and people like me that is. As a Black woman I find that there never seems be enough time to do what is demanded, needed, expected and/or desired of us. I found …

Listening to Love

by Tonya Ladipo Why is it that it is so easy to hear and accept criticism from people who do not care about us or worse are mean to us? Many years ago an older, Black woman pulled me aside and very clearly told me not to listen to people who don’t love me. “But I don’t want to reject …

Real Warriors Cry

by Tonya Ladipo Warrior (n.) “a person who fights in battles and is known for having courage and skill” or “a person who shows or has shown great vigor or courage.” Many of my clients are warriors though they seldom see themselves this way. They fight many battles, sometimes externally and sometimes internally, and they often show great courage. People …

Walking with Grace

by Tonya Ladipo This evening I was on Fox 29’s 5:00pm newscast. They contacted me to talk about mothers in the workplace and what is (or is not appropriate) to discuss. As soon as I have access to the link I will post it here. A brief review: Be human and honest. If you have children then it makes sense …

Ch-ch-changes

by Tonya Ladipo How is it that we can struggle with making changes that we know are good for us? We all have big and little things that we could do differently and it would significantly improve our lives. So why is it that going to bed earlier, writing about our feelings, or seeing our friends more often is so …

What the “Tiger Mother” Got Right

by Tonya Ladipo I’ve been inundated with commentary about what the “Tiger Mother” has done wrong. She’s “mean”, “hard” and “unloving” are a smattering of comments that I’ve read and heard. But what about where she’s right? Before I go any further let me be clear that I have not read “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” by Amy Chua. …

Dance of Intimacy

by Tonya Ladipo Recently I’ve worked with some clients who are struggling to be emotionally intimate and also maintain a separateness from their loved one. I’ve seen this struggle with friendships, intimate partnerships, and even in the parent-child relationship. For some, having the As simple as it may seem, the first step is acknowledging the struggling.understanding of their struggle can …