Yesterday I Cried

In my 14 years of doing counseling, yesterday I did something that I have never done. I cried in a therapy session. A client Vanessa* was finally able to adopt a child. After years of struggling with infertility and then waiting for more years to adopt a child, she was finally going to be a mother, something that she had …

Tonya’s Hairstory

Like many little Black girls my age I had pressed and then relaxed hair as a child. My mom always used a hot comb that sat on the stove top and I would sit in our orange kitchen chair dreading the whole process. When I became of age, about 10 years old for my house, I was allowed to get …

Time Alone, the Hard Way

I have wanted, no needed, some alone time for a couple of weeks now. Last week I started to make plans to carve out a morning where I would be responsible for no one or no thing. A morning during Memorial Day weekend was my plan. It’s a three-day weekend and I would get what I needed without disrupting too …

I’m Disgusted by Psychology Today

This is an open letter to Psychology Today: I am disgusted by Psychology Today. Racism is alive and well in our country and in our media, that’s no surprise. The fact that a researcher, Satoshi Kanazawa used “science” (faulty science and research) to promote his own racist ideas and agenda is not a surprise either. I think what is most …

Sistah Gurls

by Lexx Brown-James In the May issue of Essence is dedicated to the importance of gilrfriends. You know those sistah gurls, ultimate homies, real chicks, and beloved support systems that women tend to have. She’s the friend who tells you that outfit doesn’t work, hates the person that hurt you with a passion and let’s you cry on her shoulder …

Heartache Truly Hurts

by Tonya Ladipo Research has finally proven what many of us have known for years. Rejection hurts; it literally hurts. Researchers at the University of Michigan, Columbia University, and the University of Colorado found that our brains respond to physical pain and emotional hurt or rejection in much the same way (for more information, click here.). Being rejected by friends, …

Black Woman’s Syndrome

by Lexx Brown-James So, it’s 3.30a.m in the morning and as I type this I am pretty sure that everyone in this hemisphere is sleeping. Everyone, but me and people like me that is. As a Black woman I find that there never seems be enough time to do what is demanded, needed, expected and/or desired of us. I found …

Listening to Love

by Tonya Ladipo Why is it that it is so easy to hear and accept criticism from people who do not care about us or worse are mean to us? Many years ago an older, Black woman pulled me aside and very clearly told me not to listen to people who don’t love me. “But I don’t want to reject …

Real Warriors Cry

by Tonya Ladipo Warrior (n.) “a person who fights in battles and is known for having courage and skill” or “a person who shows or has shown great vigor or courage.” Many of my clients are warriors though they seldom see themselves this way. They fight many battles, sometimes externally and sometimes internally, and they often show great courage. People …

Walking with Grace

by Tonya Ladipo This evening I was on Fox 29’s 5:00pm newscast. They contacted me to talk about mothers in the workplace and what is (or is not appropriate) to discuss. As soon as I have access to the link I will post it here. A brief review: Be human and honest. If you have children then it makes sense …